Stop the Violence
In my four decades on this planet, I've had the opportunity to meet many, many women. I count a high number of women among my close friends, and of course, I've dated quite a few. *grin* I'm married to one as well.
Women, like men, are human beings, and as such, worthy of respect. I don't judge people according to sex or gender, but rather by other factors such as personality, intelligence, manners, maturity, etc. Yet in many societies, women are treated as second-class citizens or worse, and in some cultures/countries, women are the victims of violence. The U.S. is definitely not an exception to that.
Of the women I've dated seriously or had emotional attachments to, roughly half had been attacked, raped, or abused at some point in their lives. While many of these women were generally healthy when I dated or knew them intimately, a few were still suffering the effects (and a couple still do today). In many cases, those who had been raped suffered the indignity of seeing their rapist walk off generally scot-free. In some instances, people knew what had happened, but did not treat the bastard accordingly; in other attacks, no one knows what the bastard did, and as a consequence, they think he's a wonderful guy.
I've heard the stories, seen the emotional and psychological effects, and I know different. It's doubly hard for me because in the Deaf community, you run into or hear about these people again and again. One particular rapist lives not all that far from me, but not too many people know what he did. It burns me that everyone thinks he's the toast of the town, when really he's just scum.
Rape isn't the only crime against women; there's also physical violence, emotional, and psychological abuse as well. I've heard stories of women I know being choked, hit, slapped, and in one instance, punched. The latter happened when I was about eleven or twelve. I lived on the edge of town, and one of the rougher sections was just next door (a low-income housing project). One night one of my friends came out of one side of the development and across the lawn where we played football. He came up to me and another friend and breathlessly told us he'd seen the maintenance guy punch his pregnant wife in the face. Luckily, someone else in the vicinity gave a damn, because soon the cops arrived. I remember how scared my friend looked, and the reactions we all had. Even at that age, we knew slapping around a woman, whether a wife or not, was *not* cool.
It's this kind of thing that is equally damaging: the family, friends, and neighbors of the abused who witness or feel the effects of this violence. It really is damaging, and can lead to psychological problems for these witnesses. For the younger ones, it can lead to normalization of violence, which in turn leads to the next generation of abusers and victims. The cycle never really ends.
So, you may ask, why am I bringing this up? Because the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), passed in 1994, is up for renewal. You can see the Senate and House versions online-- as usual, I've linked them for you (aren't I thoughtful?). My own senator, Barbara Boxer, was one of the original proponents of VAWA back in the early 90's. It was really a great step forward-- a chance to try to stop the violence. Unfortunately, as the first article I linked to states,
When it was reauthorized five years ago, the Violence Against Women Act had 239 co-sponsors in the House of Representatives and 74 in the Senate. This year, the bill has only 55 cosponsors in the House and 32 in the Senate -- and some conservative organizations are questioning whether federal money should be spent to fight domestic abuse at all.
In a way, I'm not surprised. This is a society that has no problem with sending their kids to the megaplex to watch the latest Hollywood offering of gore and violence, but howls if there's even a hint of bare flesh. When sex, love, and relationships are presented in the movies, half the time it's packaged within teen sex comedies, which present women as one-dimensional sex objects, to be used and trashed (and yes, I'll admit as a horny teen, I watched some of those comedies and terrible flicks and responded in a physical manner. But does that make it right?).
This is a society that has no problem with sending its young off to be devoured in the jaws of war, but gets all nervous if two women or two men walk down the street hand-in-hand.
This is a society that screams if a woman should dress "provocatively," but shrugs when the same woman gets raped and suggests that "she asked for it."
In other words, violence and hatred are okay, while values such as peace, equality, and respect get short shrift. As for VAWA, it's disturbing that the same legislators that will pass or attempt to pass bills that are personalized ("Megan's Law", "Terri's Law," "Laci's Law"), will give tepid support to a bill that aims to protect *all* women, regardless of their name, background, socioeconomic status, or occupation. I sincerely hope this bill gets passed/reauthorized without any significant changes or cutbacks.
This isn't to suggest that federal laws/action will solve the problem. I think a lot of times people think of federal and state laws as panaceas, and that once we pass them, then we don't have to think about the subject again. Violence against anyone, male or female, young or old, is ingrained. Often it's taught. It makes me think of that old song from "South Pacific":
You've got to be taught to hate and fear
You've got to be taught from year to year...
While the song was about racism, it certainly applies to sexism. Little boys and girls are taught to objectify people, especially women. Children in abusive homes or situations model themselves after their elders. Neighborhood children can and will internalize what's going on around them. I don't know what happened to my friends, but I do wonder how they turned out. As I write these words, I now wonder if they still remember that humid summer night and our whispered comments about the abuse that had just taken place, the lights of the police sirens bouncing off the windows, and the huddled group of adults in a distance, most likely murmuring the same things we were.
The point here is that we have to work from within; sure, VAWA is great, but in the end we have to end the culture of tolerance towards violence. The first place to do so is at home, at school, in our churches, synagogues, mosques, or what have you. If violence against *anyone* is to be reduced or eliminated, people have to educate themselves and their children, they have to internalize that it's not okay to treat other people in a violent manner. Sometimes I think we get all wrapped up in so many cultural, moral, and ethical issues these days that we forget a very basic rule, one that is common to most religions and societies. That's the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I think if we all followed that one rule more often, we'd live in a much safer and happier world.
Women, like men, are human beings, and as such, worthy of respect. I don't judge people according to sex or gender, but rather by other factors such as personality, intelligence, manners, maturity, etc. Yet in many societies, women are treated as second-class citizens or worse, and in some cultures/countries, women are the victims of violence. The U.S. is definitely not an exception to that.
Of the women I've dated seriously or had emotional attachments to, roughly half had been attacked, raped, or abused at some point in their lives. While many of these women were generally healthy when I dated or knew them intimately, a few were still suffering the effects (and a couple still do today). In many cases, those who had been raped suffered the indignity of seeing their rapist walk off generally scot-free. In some instances, people knew what had happened, but did not treat the bastard accordingly; in other attacks, no one knows what the bastard did, and as a consequence, they think he's a wonderful guy.
I've heard the stories, seen the emotional and psychological effects, and I know different. It's doubly hard for me because in the Deaf community, you run into or hear about these people again and again. One particular rapist lives not all that far from me, but not too many people know what he did. It burns me that everyone thinks he's the toast of the town, when really he's just scum.
Rape isn't the only crime against women; there's also physical violence, emotional, and psychological abuse as well. I've heard stories of women I know being choked, hit, slapped, and in one instance, punched. The latter happened when I was about eleven or twelve. I lived on the edge of town, and one of the rougher sections was just next door (a low-income housing project). One night one of my friends came out of one side of the development and across the lawn where we played football. He came up to me and another friend and breathlessly told us he'd seen the maintenance guy punch his pregnant wife in the face. Luckily, someone else in the vicinity gave a damn, because soon the cops arrived. I remember how scared my friend looked, and the reactions we all had. Even at that age, we knew slapping around a woman, whether a wife or not, was *not* cool.
It's this kind of thing that is equally damaging: the family, friends, and neighbors of the abused who witness or feel the effects of this violence. It really is damaging, and can lead to psychological problems for these witnesses. For the younger ones, it can lead to normalization of violence, which in turn leads to the next generation of abusers and victims. The cycle never really ends.
So, you may ask, why am I bringing this up? Because the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), passed in 1994, is up for renewal. You can see the Senate and House versions online-- as usual, I've linked them for you (aren't I thoughtful?). My own senator, Barbara Boxer, was one of the original proponents of VAWA back in the early 90's. It was really a great step forward-- a chance to try to stop the violence. Unfortunately, as the first article I linked to states,
When it was reauthorized five years ago, the Violence Against Women Act had 239 co-sponsors in the House of Representatives and 74 in the Senate. This year, the bill has only 55 cosponsors in the House and 32 in the Senate -- and some conservative organizations are questioning whether federal money should be spent to fight domestic abuse at all.
In a way, I'm not surprised. This is a society that has no problem with sending their kids to the megaplex to watch the latest Hollywood offering of gore and violence, but howls if there's even a hint of bare flesh. When sex, love, and relationships are presented in the movies, half the time it's packaged within teen sex comedies, which present women as one-dimensional sex objects, to be used and trashed (and yes, I'll admit as a horny teen, I watched some of those comedies and terrible flicks and responded in a physical manner. But does that make it right?).
This is a society that has no problem with sending its young off to be devoured in the jaws of war, but gets all nervous if two women or two men walk down the street hand-in-hand.
This is a society that screams if a woman should dress "provocatively," but shrugs when the same woman gets raped and suggests that "she asked for it."
In other words, violence and hatred are okay, while values such as peace, equality, and respect get short shrift. As for VAWA, it's disturbing that the same legislators that will pass or attempt to pass bills that are personalized ("Megan's Law", "Terri's Law," "Laci's Law"), will give tepid support to a bill that aims to protect *all* women, regardless of their name, background, socioeconomic status, or occupation. I sincerely hope this bill gets passed/reauthorized without any significant changes or cutbacks.
This isn't to suggest that federal laws/action will solve the problem. I think a lot of times people think of federal and state laws as panaceas, and that once we pass them, then we don't have to think about the subject again. Violence against anyone, male or female, young or old, is ingrained. Often it's taught. It makes me think of that old song from "South Pacific":
You've got to be taught to hate and fear
You've got to be taught from year to year...
While the song was about racism, it certainly applies to sexism. Little boys and girls are taught to objectify people, especially women. Children in abusive homes or situations model themselves after their elders. Neighborhood children can and will internalize what's going on around them. I don't know what happened to my friends, but I do wonder how they turned out. As I write these words, I now wonder if they still remember that humid summer night and our whispered comments about the abuse that had just taken place, the lights of the police sirens bouncing off the windows, and the huddled group of adults in a distance, most likely murmuring the same things we were.
The point here is that we have to work from within; sure, VAWA is great, but in the end we have to end the culture of tolerance towards violence. The first place to do so is at home, at school, in our churches, synagogues, mosques, or what have you. If violence against *anyone* is to be reduced or eliminated, people have to educate themselves and their children, they have to internalize that it's not okay to treat other people in a violent manner. Sometimes I think we get all wrapped up in so many cultural, moral, and ethical issues these days that we forget a very basic rule, one that is common to most religions and societies. That's the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I think if we all followed that one rule more often, we'd live in a much safer and happier world.
posted by Mr. Sandman | 7:16 PM
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