Driving Commandments
I am not a patient driver- this my wife knows. This isn't to say I'm a terrible driver, but I do not possess the grace and patience that others have. Part of it is that I get really pissed off with other drivers. I'm sure the rudeness, lack of skills, speeding, and all that present-day driving entails are not recent phenomenons. As long as there have been drivers, there have been self-centered, inept motorists, and there will continue to be as long as automobiles last (given the immediacy of Peak Oil, that could be sometime soon).
In the interests of reducing the chaos around me (and hopefully my tendency to approach heart attack-level stress), I offer these Driving Commandments:
1) I am your peer, your co-worker, your neighbor, the driver, who shares the vagaries of the roads with you in slavery to the Almighty Automobile. Thou shalt respect me, as I respect you.
2) Thou shalt use thy turn signal when you change lanes (note: that plastic stick on the side of the steering column isn't there for decoration; it has a function-- learn about and use it).
3) Thou shalt not run a red light.
4) Thou shalt not do 70 in a 25-mph-zone.
5) When two lanes merge into one, thou shalt not drive as far as you can, then demand to cut in (you wonder why there's always a long line in places like this? It's because people like you slow everyone else down by insisting you go first).
6) When driving on a highway or freeway, thou shalt not cut across three lanes simultaneously, at high speed.
7) Thou shalt not tailgate, nor expect me to speed up past the posted limit (you're five minutes late, and don't want the boss chewing you out? So? Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part).
8) Thou shalt not make a U-Turn in front of me, especially when it's not permitted.
9) Should you be stuck in traffic, thou shalt make space at an intersection or entrance; for thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's driveway, or thy neighbor's route home, or thy neighbor's right-of-way, or thy neighbor's wife in her brand-new Versace outfit driving her sporty Ferrari (I'm just saying, you know).
10) Thou shalt hang up and drive; for the Lord my Governor hath commanded it (I am not a fan of Schwarzenegger, as you may know, but I definitely agree with him on this one).
In the interests of reducing the chaos around me (and hopefully my tendency to approach heart attack-level stress), I offer these Driving Commandments:
1) I am your peer, your co-worker, your neighbor, the driver, who shares the vagaries of the roads with you in slavery to the Almighty Automobile. Thou shalt respect me, as I respect you.
2) Thou shalt use thy turn signal when you change lanes (note: that plastic stick on the side of the steering column isn't there for decoration; it has a function-- learn about and use it).
3) Thou shalt not run a red light.
4) Thou shalt not do 70 in a 25-mph-zone.
5) When two lanes merge into one, thou shalt not drive as far as you can, then demand to cut in (you wonder why there's always a long line in places like this? It's because people like you slow everyone else down by insisting you go first).
6) When driving on a highway or freeway, thou shalt not cut across three lanes simultaneously, at high speed.
7) Thou shalt not tailgate, nor expect me to speed up past the posted limit (you're five minutes late, and don't want the boss chewing you out? So? Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part).
8) Thou shalt not make a U-Turn in front of me, especially when it's not permitted.
9) Should you be stuck in traffic, thou shalt make space at an intersection or entrance; for thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's driveway, or thy neighbor's route home, or thy neighbor's right-of-way, or thy neighbor's wife in her brand-new Versace outfit driving her sporty Ferrari (I'm just saying, you know).
10) Thou shalt hang up and drive; for the Lord my Governor hath commanded it (I am not a fan of Schwarzenegger, as you may know, but I definitely agree with him on this one).
posted by Mr. Sandman | 5:21 AM
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